A very important date to me : it's the day of your birthday. You would have been 30 this year. A great year, some say. I was scared of turning 30, but it is the best decade of all for now. Yes. this Thursday March 26th 2015, my sweet sister Barbara, you would have been 30. Almost 10 years now that you've gone but it feels like forever and yesterday at the same time.
Nevertheless, with years going by, your absence has been less tough. Most of the time. Except on Christmas, New Year's Eve, your birthday, our birthdays when you've been missed a lot. But I have to say that this Thursday March 26th turned out different.
Here I am, with doubts and pains, that day. Those little "details" one's told me about and to those I replied with a false "naaaaaaa it can't be" that really didn't convince me anyway. So, as if this March 26th should have been a lucky day, I let it go and walked to the pharmacy. I knew you would keep an eye on me, like you always do, so I went there with a smile on my face and butterflies in my belly.
And what I was thinking of happened...
Because we weren't that sure of the first test, we bought a second one, which was even more precise!
So here we are, with a BIG news everyone has been waiting for! I have to tell you that there was a pair of people who was getting too much insistant for that demand :
I AM PREGNANT!
I have to admit that I needed a couple of extra minutes, hours, to get rid of that silly smile on my face and to switch to a better vocabulary (let's get rid of that F word, please, Celine). But yes. There's a girl or a boy coming to this world end of November 2015!
I have not yet deeply, truely realized, while I have been three months and a half pregnant. I think that, since I can't feel him/her move, everything remains abstract to me. I need FACTS. I have been extremely tired and kind of depressed (you know that feeling that, everything you do, you think you do crap.--> ME!), I haven't been sick, or nauseous. I lost 3 kilos though, don't have lots of appetite but my doctor says everything is under control and pretty good for both of us.
You brother-in-law is so happy, even though he doesn't really say it out loud. I can tell by the shiny bright stars he has in his eyes when he looks at me, when he touches my belly. I am so happy he's this kid's dad. This kid deserves him as a dad. And he/she will have to deal with the crazy happy mama that I am :)
It's true that you won't be here, physically speaking per se, but I believe in angels and in you surrounding every day, all the time. I have no doubt that you'll keep an eye on your future niece or nephew the best way you can, aunt Barbara. He/she will know everything about you and will love you with all his/her heart.
And here's our first selfie as future parents...
New adventures, big decisions, fears, joy, and all that load of emotions we don't even know yet!
Yes. That Thursday March 26th 2015 was the first day of the rest of our lives.
And it was beautiful.